In the past week, I learned of three people leaving grad school, two from my current institution and one from where I did undergrad research. One of them started grad school not even wanting to be a scientist. When another told me, “I hate research,” I felt an odd sense of relief that I wasn’t the only one with research struggles. I realize that most students probably do have research struggles, yet at the same time I can’t disregard the emotional distress I feel from a project fraught with difficulties at every turn and publications still to be had.
Research is mostly failure. This seems to be true across the board, from performing organic syntheses in an academic lab to designing new drugs in industry. It takes one heck of a resolve to pursue a career in research, starting from exploring different fields in undergrad to developing a speciality niche in graduate school then moving on to postdocs and (hopefully) a full-time position. If it’s so difficult, why does anyone do it?
It’s not a lot, honestly. According to a Congressional Research Service report, scientists and engineers make up less than 5% of the U.S. workforce. I can’t answer for anyone else, but there are two reasons why I’m here. First, I don’t know what else I’d be doing. That sounds like a superficial answer, but there’s a lot of experiences behind it. I’d be bored to death in some Bachelor’s-level chemistry job, estimated from a summer internship and from assessment of my personality. Chemistry and programming interest me more than other fields I’ve studied. It’s where I’ve found my state of flow most often. The other reason why I’m pursuing scientific research is that I love learning new things. So many people have told me that I ask good questions, from those who have known me less than an hour to those to have known me for years. Of course, it’s easier to do that in conversation than in science; asking the right question takes intuition to know what’s worth going down the rabbit hole for.
Goodness knows I’ve gone down rabbit holes for most of the last two years. Some of them turn out to be a couple of days (more like mole holes then?) and some, like my current focus, go on for several months. Research is wearisome. Research is frustrating. Whether a Ph.D. or an exit from academia, who knows what the end of the gradlyfe-tunnel will bring.