Ah, 2024. It’s been the best year of my life, but it’s also been the worst.
Resolutions
Starting with resolutions, I made progress towards my goal of doing one unassisted pull-up. I realized partway throughout the year that it wouldn’t be something I’d accomplish by the end of the year so onwards I continue. I’ve completed 13 stained glass projects, all original designs. And in the last few weeks I finished the paint-by-numbers I got for Christmas last year.
Not a resolution but I ended up reading more consistently and more books this year also. I’m glad for what I’ve accomplished and thankful to my accountability buddies for helping me stay on track.
Theme for the year
If I had to give this year a theme, it’d be the year of restoration. Previous year themes would be something like this:
- 2020 — graduation
- 2021 — career and house
- 2022 — relationship
- 2023 — travel, beach, trails
Sometimes it’s easier to see where you are based on where you were. Compared to last year, I’ve done a lot less traveling, socializing, social media, hiking, and piano. Most of that I’m okay with. I’m sad about not playing as much music since it brought me joy and assuagement. I’d also like more time to be in nature and touch grass.
The travel I did do I’m glad for and remember fondly: Palm Springs, Maui restoration, Bahamas and DR, Oahu ohana, SF, Boston and Maine.
Year overview
My mental health took a deep dive this year, and the suffering was almost literally unbearable. I ended up taking leave from work and partook in an intensive outpatient therapy program. As I write this nine months later, I’m in awe of how it’s turned around. The year of restoration.
Alleviating my depression has cured or alleviated so many other issues in my life, some of which I thought were entirely separate afflictions.
The therapy and medication I started last year seemed to help but it was drastically too little for the state I was in. I experienced profound recovery over the course of the year from my leave and intensive therapy, my current medication regimen1, and my meditation practice. These were only possible with the help of my doctor, therapists, co-attendees, and the loving community of the meditation center. My deepest gratitudes to them.
Summer was much quieter this year than last. I called it my “NPC summer.” I experienced love and loss, and extreme highs and heartbreak as accompaniment. “Why is your brain like this,” my people ask me, and I wish I knew myself. The upsides: realizing my awareness of body and mind, resolving never to sacrifice my peace that way again, inspiration for a glass project, and uncovering painful memories to reassess and heal.
As part of the restoration theme, I’ve paid a lot more attention to my energy with the people I’m around. I’ve decided to move on from friendships that bring out a side of me I dislike or am not proud of. Even at the cost of reducing my social circle, despite its protective effects on mental health. A quote I recently read by Paulo Coelho, “Anything that comes at the cost of your peace is too expensive.” ADN
Highlights
Finally, some of my favorite new life experiences2 of 2024:
- Quest for ego death
- Total solar eclipse
- Bridesmaid
- Annaprashan
- DIY spark plugs fix
- Tattoo
- Forgiveness
- Golf
- Miami night out
- Canadian cruise companions
- Ojai bike ride
- Channel Islands kayaking
- Professional hockey game
- Personalized plate
- French firefighter FaceTime
- Hosting thanksgiving
- Skiing
New life experiences happen all the time. Savor each one.
Cover photo taken by me in Boston, MA
Footnotes
- The fourth medication regimen was the one that eventually stuck. One of the ones I’m taking now was what I asked for in the very beginning, but was denied by my doctor since it supposedly wasn’t first line.
Based on a deep dive I did of the scientific literature, different classes of drugs have different modalities of action. The mechanism (neurotransmitters) you want to target depends on how the emotional dysregulation manifests (increasing positive affect versus decreasing negative affect).
It turns out SSRIs weren’t the drug for me, which was born out by the literature. Self-advocacy eventually got me there. ↩︎ - And I’m thrilled to be part of other people’s new experiences! This includes my sister’s first time in San Diego, others’ first time skiing, and my friend’s first Amtrak ride and trip to Maine. ↩︎