I’ve been attending an online church for a few months now. I haven’t actually been to the church itself, despite being less than 5 miles away. I have mixed feelings about attending in person — I do think it’ll benefit me to be in more of a community, but the SARS-CoV-2 delta variant seems to be picking up steam everywhere. That being said, it caught my attention when the church announced that it was putting on a Women’s Summer Brunch. After having lived in a new city for a little over a year, I had no true friends or connections in the area. I figured going to this women’s brunch could help me meet new people as well as break the ice for me to start actually going to church in person. So I decided to register and paid the event fee of $20 upfront.
That brings me to this morning. The brunch is happening as I type. But I’m not there. I’d been feeling conflicted in the days prior, as well as up to this moment, about whether to attend. The upfront payment was a good reason to go; if anything I’d at least have coffee and brunch and not just be wasting that money. But I feel incredibly reluctant to go out to a new place and socialize with completely new individuals. I know it could be good for me, but I also know that it could be stupidly awkward and leave me feel like a fish out of water. I’m envisioning a group of older ladies who share completely different interests than I. What if they also have controversial views on the vaccine and are not vaccinated?
The event is about halfway over, and I find myself wanting the time to be an hour later so that the decision is moot. Growing up in a household where finances were tight, the thought of “throwing away” the $20 unsettles me. However, I also acknowledge that I’ve been fortunate to get to where I am such that it isn’t a big deal to lose that money. If anything, I could try to reframe the situation as donating to others at the event and/or the church.
I also see my lack of attendance as being judicious with my social energy. Yesterday I saw several friends over lunch and an afternoon chat. Later this afternoon I’m going to a “sauna-warming” to try out a sauna that my friend built. There would also be people I don’t know at the sauna event, but knowing one person does help. If I were at the brunch right now, regardless of whether or not I was enjoying myself, I do know that it would tire me out socially and I would be less inclined to drive 1+ hr to go this sauna thing right afterwards.
It’s a privilege to be able to trade capital for comfort. This is typically thought of in the lens of buying goods and services, e.g., an apartment that as AC, an ergonomic desk chair, or splurging on a spa day. Knowing myself, I should accept the lost registration fee as a sunk cost, and I shouldn’t fall prey to the fallacy of sunk cost. Instead of ensuring that “I get my money’s worth,” I may end up in a net happier state if I let the brunch event go and carry on my day without FOMO or regret.